


Sword And Shield

by girlycards



Series: The Arcana: The Knight & The Night [3]
Category: Hellsing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-02-23 09:36:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23209399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlycards/pseuds/girlycards
Summary: Alternate endings to Live By The Sword + deleted scenes
Series: The Arcana: The Knight & The Night [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677232
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	1. Take Me To Church

**Author's Note:**

> 1 "Take Me To Church" aka the Neutral or Good Ending 2.0. Set mid-chapter 12.  
> 2 "Tied Up In This Burning House" aka the Bad Ending. Set mid-chapter 12.  
> 3\. "The moon, reversed, perhaps" Deleted bit from Phoenix In The Fire Chapter 11

##  _Live By The Sword: Take Me To Church_

Aka the "good ending 2.0" to "Live By The Sword"

_Take me to church_

_I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies_

_I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife_

_Offer me that deathless death_

_Good God, let me give you my life_

_Take Me To Church - Hozier_

Blasius had somehow managed to inflict damage on Pip as he emerged, and Pip’s remaining ghost arm pulled the stake out, and Seras felt like her heart was breaking as blood began to freely pour out, and stared into Blasius’s eyes. 

“You lose,” she said before sinking her teeth into them. Their blood was overflowing with life, but it burned with bitterness, too. It was so hot and warm, like the burn of silver as she drank, her fingers sinking into their flesh. She could feel them losing strength, but they were grinning.

“I win…” before their eyes shut. Their body began to change forms, slowly decaying into a child’s corpse as the remaining signs of life left Blasius’s body. Seras pulled away when the corpse was a husk. And then every part of her body began to burn. She felt arms wrap around her, pulling her away from Blasius’s body. That’s right. She was injured. Blasius had tried to stake her. She reached to touch the wound on her chest. It had not stopped bleeding. Integra was clutching her close.

“Seras,” she said, trying to stop the bleeding, “I command you to stay alive.”

“I’m already dead,” she said, sinking against the wall Integra had placed her against. She looked at Integra, blood staining the edges of her vision. She smiled at Integra, “You came for me.”

“Of course I did, you idiot,” she said, still trying to apply pressure to the wound on Seras’s unlife heart. The vampire’s blood had already soaked the cloth she had placed there.

“Blasius is dead,” she said calmly.

“We can discuss that later. You’re bleeding out, Seras.” _Why isn’t the bleeding stopping? Seras is a vampire! The bleeding should have stopped by now._ She picked up the vampire in her arms, who was now concerningly light, carrying her out of the partially burned library to the car.

“Integra…” she said, she reached her arm for Integra’s face, causing more blood to spill out. Integra grimaced, setting Seras in the passenger seat.

 _The mansion will be closest. I can stop the bleeding there. I can save her. Her coffin_. She started the car, aggressively shifting gears as they drove far above the speed limit back to the mansion. Seras was starting to babble incomprehensibly about something, trying to reach for Integra. Her shadow arm was disintegrating with each attempt. “Sit still, Seras. You’re going to hurt yourself more.”

Seras only groaned from pain, jerking forward when Integra stopped in front of the mansion, yanking Seras out and carrying her in bridal style. _There has to be a way._ She carried Seras straight to the nearest room with a couch, laying her on it. “I’ll be right back with blood, Seras. Stay here.”

“I’m not thirsty,” Seras insisted, reaching for Integra again. Integra pressed her back on the couch, adding another layer of cloth from her shirt to Seras’s wound.

“You drank that thing’s blood,” she said, running out of the room to the kitchen, Seras rolled off the couch, trying to crawl after her when she disappeared from sight. She could tell she was disintegrating. Something was wrong. She didn’t want to be alone. She felt herself collapse forward onto the floor as Integra appeared in the doorway, running towards her. She felt Integra force the tube in her mouth.

She protested. She didn’t need blood. Somehow, she knew it wouldn’t help.

“Integra,” she pleaded, “I’m not thirsty.”

“You’re gonna die…” she tried to force her wrist into the vampire’s mouth, but she refused to open it. 

“I’m already dead,” she repeated with shocking calmness. She pushed Integra’s wrist away. She reached for Integra’s face again. At least she no longer bled as freely, the blood flow slow as she caressed Integra’s face. _One more kiss._

“Please,” she leaned in, kissing Integra. Integra indulged her, kissing her back. Seras could taste her own blood as she kissed Integra.

“You have to stay,” Integra broke away, “I forbid you from leaving me.”

“Blasius broke the seal,” Seras said, leaning back into the support of Integra’s arm, “You can’t order me anymore.”

“ _I_ _can’t lose you,_ ” she repeated. She felt tears began to pour out of her eye, looking into Seras’s crimson ones.

Seras smiled again, touching her chest, she could feel the open wound there. It no longer bled, but it still hurt underneath the dressings Integra had placed on it. She couldn’t think of anything to say to Integra. She could feel her body slowly going limp, and her grip on Integra’s suit jacket weakening. When her arm fell away, she groaned in frustration.

“Seras,” Integra said, pulling her hand up to her chest, “Feel my heart. Stay with me.”

Seras felt the beat in Integra’s chest and smiled again, “You’re alive. Please don’t cry.”

Integra clutched Seras’s hand with more urgency, “Seras.” She could feel Seras continuing to go limp. She didn’t want to see Seras turn to ash, but she wanted to hold Seras until the end. She pulled Seras close, bawling uncontrollably, “I can’t stop crying, Seras.”

Seras was still in her arms now, and when Integra pulled her away to look at her, the vampire’s eyes were closed. All the bleeding had stopped. Integra continued to bawl, clutching onto the vampire’s body.

“Don’t go, Seras. Please don’t go. I can’t,” she pleaded, gripping Seras close. She forced her fingers into the vampire’s mouth, dragging them across her fangs until they bled, but nothing happened. Seras remained still, not moving as she fell back onto the floor. Integra hit the floor in frustration, “Come back to me, please Seras.” _Why wasn’t she turning to ash?_

Integra pulled Seras into her lap, holding her close, returning her bleeding fingers to Seras’s mouth. She did not even instinctually begin to suck on the blood, and her teeth were strangely blunt now, but Integra did not notice. “Drink, please.”

Seras’s body provided no response, much to Integra’s frustration. She ran a hand through Seras’s hair instead, still crying. The slight open wounds on her hand smearing some blood her hair, but she didn’t care. She picked Seras up into her arms bridal style, “You’re not gone yet…” She carried Seras back to the couch, laying her down. “You have to wake up.” she pulled Seras’s still hand back to her chest, “feel this. This beats for you now. You have to return.”

She felt Seras’s hand began to warm against her chest. She felt tears begin to pour out again. She wanted Seras’s hand to remain cold and vampiric. It wasn’t right. _Why is Seras warm?_

“You have to stay, Seras. For Alucard to come back. For the night sky you love so much, and it’s probably selfish, Seras. But for me, please,” she said, even though it felt futile, through the occasional sob, “I love you. You idiot. You didn’t have to face Blasius. I didn’t order it. You could have ran away. You saw what happened to Helena… and you still chose to face it… because of me.” She couldn’t see anymore as her glasses fell to the floor, but she didn’t care. She didn’t want to see the blurry outline of Seras’s unmoving body. She didn’t want to see the blood. She didn’t want to see Seras’s face, still calm and loving even though she was dying.

Integra felt Seras’s hand in hers. It felt so warm. She let another sob escape herself, before setting Seras’s hand back on her chest where the wound had been. It was still wet, and she felt movement. Seras’s body was moving. She fumbled for her glasses and could see Seras clearly. She was… breathing?

“Seras!” Integra said, pulling away the cloth. The wound was gone, “You’re… awake?” She jerked Seras, to no response. Seras’s face looked calm still, but no longer as paled. All the wounds were gone, although there were still traces of blood.

Seras opened her eyes. Her eyes were blue. She coughed, “Integra…”

“Seras,” she repeated, “What’s wrong?”

“Integra…” she said, pulling Integra’s hand up, placing it back to where the wound had been. Seras began to cry, watery tears pouring down her face. As soon as Integra’s hand was pressed to her skin. She could feel it. Warmth. Seras’s… heartbeat?

“I’m alive… Integra.”

“Seras.” she wrapped her arms back around her, forcing to sit up, “You’re alive... How?”

“I don’t know,” she said, “I drank Blasius’s blood…”

“A creature of the light… a creature of the life,” Integra said softly, “They… Seras. You’re not a vampire anymore.”

Seras felt a sense of loss as the realization set in. She could no longer smell Integra’s blood’s scent. She could no longer feel the pull of servitude towards Alucard. It was disillusioning but left her feeling empty. Like a void. Pip was gone. Forever. Completely gone. No longer held as a shred of consciousness to repress. The void has been replaced by something else. She could feel her heart beating in her chest, firm and strong to remind her she was alive. Her arm was back. She was plain old Seras Victoria. Police girl.

“You’re so warm, Seras,” Integra said, “And you’re alive… You’re alive… I thought I was going to lose you.”

“I…” Seras was silent. She had not expected to wake up. To see Integra again. There had been nothingness. “I’m human.”


	2. Tied Up In This Burning House

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set mid-chapter 12 when Integra enters the house to see Seras being staked, if Integra was afraid and did not trust Seras. And if the seal “broke” Seras. Warning: this is a sad “bad” ending. It’s really vaguely inspired by Koujaku’s bad end in DRAMAtical Murder.

##  _Perish By The Sword: Tied Up In This Burning House_

Seras was practically roaring as she slammed her shadows into them, trying to pry the stake out of their hands. Blasius pushed back with all their strength, rolling her back. Seras was not paying attention when the shapeshifter bit her hand, squeezing blood out. Seras was distracted by seeing Helena crawling across the floor. Something was destroying her body, likely the seal’s punishment. Blasius’s flesh, or lack thereof, burned more and more as her other arm, consumed with shadows tried to drive into their chest.

She felt something in her own chest followed by pain. A pain greater than that of a blessed blade, or ammunition. Followed by another pain, just as sharp. When she looked back, Blasius was forcing the wooden stake into her. When had they gotten the upper hand? She wondered. As Blasius staked her, something bright red in her chest became exposed, and it wasn’t just her blood, and they roared.

I see them as they move their mouths

Saying they're so happy now

Telling me I'm lucky that I have you

As you pour my drink to shut me up

Pretending this is fucking love

And I just nod my head like I'm supposed to

_The pain caused recollections. She recalled when she had fed on Integra most recently, and while it provided nourishment it had only been pacification for the pain Integra had given her. And now Blasius was ripping that wound back open as they attempted to rip her heart open quite literally. Of course, it should be right. She should want to see Integra, to feed on her, to hold her. She would always be called back to Integra_

She felt Pip weakly forming, attempting to push back against Blasius “What are you doing?” Blasius demanded, as the stake was pulled out, her skin remained torn. The wound not healing as vampire blood slowly oozed out, exposing the draculina’s unlife heart, and the Hellsing seal placed upon it, “How could this happen?” Seras, upon seeing it, was only slightly less shocked than the shapeshifter. Blasius reached to grab her unbeating heart with their hands to destroy it. She could feel their hands, burning as they touched the seal.

So you're smashing frames to make me hurt

And saying things I don't deserve

I sit there and take it, just like you know I would

Cuz the sound of screams are easier

Than just my thoughts with no one here

But it's too late, but it's too late

Nothing works

_Did she really want to fight Blasius? Or was it some implanted thought Integra had given her? She recalled the prison cell and the interrogation. That was right. Integra would never_ **truly** _trust her. She was a vampire. She knew on some level she did not deserve it, but it felt right that Integra could do as she pleased._

She remained collapsed, looking as Pip slowly returned to her shadows, weak and no longer fighting.

But behind closed doors we're in a war

I don't know what I did this for

But it's too late, but it's too late

Nothing works.

_She could hear Integra’s voice, and it was bitter and toxic, but called to her just the same. Two things were breaking as the stake was imbedded again and Blasius tried to destroy the seal._

“Try as you may, you’ll never be a Hellsing. Even if you look like me.”

The shapeshifter froze even more, shapeshifting back to their initial form at the sound of that voice. They hissed angrily in pain and their strain against Pip significantly weakened. 

Integra shot again, pulling out her rapier. Seras was already partially destroyed, and she needed to end this now. She had not defeated Blasius the first time, but she was sure there was a way. She glanced at Seras again, plunging the rapier through both Blasius and Pip, having an effect on neither. She could hear Seras calling weakly to her, “Integra… you can’t.”

**_First her heart broke._ ** _Of course Integra would not listen. She felt the pulsing of her heart, the seal as it tried to force her to follow her master’s will, and defend her. The stake was gone, and she felt her shadows consuming her as she became intangible in order to heal, to rise and defeat Blasius._

She was so thirsty, extending her fangs. She staggered, looking at Blasius, Pip, and then Integra. She could sever the bond now by drinking Integra’s blood whole.

Why you gotta be so cruel?

Playing in the game to lose

I did everything for you

It's all your fault

It's all your fault, bitch

Why you gotta be so cruel

Playing in the game to lose

I did everything for you

I hope you suffer

_**And then the seal.**_ She lunged at Integra, causing Integra to cry out, sinking her fangs into Integra’s neck. She broke the skin with ease, drinking the exquisite, vampire-tainted virgin’s blood. As she drank, the bond of servant and master broke down. And the seal began to burn fiercely in an attempt to stop her from breaking it.

“Seras,” she could hear Integra’s voice, pleading as she drank. She could hardly feel the fumbling hands as they tried to push her off.

She dug her teeth in deeper, ignoring the fact that Helena had already burned away, and the candles lighting the building on fire. Or Pip no longer able to hold back Blasius. But she drank, taking in the memories.

So you're smashing frames to make me hurt

And saying things I don't deserve

I sit there and take it, just like you know I would

Cuz the sound of screams are easier

Than just my thoughts with no one here

But it's too late, but it's too late

Nothing works

She could see Integra’s memories. Waking Alucard. Seeing her. Interrogating her. **The fear.** The joy. The anger. The disappointment. The violence. The religion. Herself. All of her. It burned, as did the fire around her.

Now I swear we'll never make it out alive

Cuz we're tied up in this burning house

Tied up in this burning house

Tried to save us but you watched us die

Now we're locked inside this burning house

You won't ever let me out

She stayed latched on, even as she felt Integra’s body go limp, and held her close, collapsing to the ground with her. She felt Blasius drive the stake back into her, slowly giving her freedom from unlife. Another hit of the mallet and she would be free from it all.

Burn it to the ground, burn it to the ground

Listen to the fire, revel in the sound

Burn it to the ground, ground, ground

You won't ever let us out

Seras saw burning light, followed by nothingness. The end of existence. From the outside, Blasius watched with satisfaction as the stake went all the way through Seras, and turned her to ashes. They plunged the stake through the slowly waking ghoul that had formerly been Integra, turning her to ash as well. And there was victory.


	3. The Moon, reversed, perhaps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Deleted Bit from Phoenix In The Fire Chapter 11 The Moon, during Integra's nightmare.  
> I was exploring potentially having 'the other Integra' be gonzo Integra as some kind of universe connection being made by Integra becoming a vampire, but ended scrapping the idea. I am still really proud of this and wanted to share it, though.

Pushing aside the curtain, she looked out, “London is burning.”

“Why show me this?”

She sighed, “This is your nightmare, not mine.”

Integra inhaled deeply, “I know. Then why are  _ you _ still here.”

“I have nightmares, too.”

“What are your nightmares?”

“Would you like to see?”

Integra, although unsure, evaluated her other self carefully. “Yes.”

The other Integra nodded, and in the blink of the eye, they were somewhere else.

Integra looked around. Her office, again. Her father’s portrait on the wall. It was darker somehow. A silver letter opener, and ivory paper and blank ink. Green danced in the corner of her eye, and she was unable to be sure if it was her jacket or a creature before sharp pain pricked her neck. Hands coming from the darkness, touching and violating.

She could see the other Integra in front of her now, gaze fixed.

“This is a nightmare.”

“Is it?” the other Integra’s voice was bitter.

Integra fought the urge to respond to the movements around her, although slowly tensing to fight back.  _ The letter opener _ . The same one she had used to once feed Seras. And finally, she sprang into action, hand flying forward to grasp the handle. And then it was over in an instant, as she tried to plunge it back into whatever was leeching on her and the blade came to rest in her stomach.

_ Blasius? _ The name came to her quickly, followed by another one. Boabansith?

“Boabansith. Carmila.”

It wasn’t her thoughts, it was the other Integra’s words. The sharp pain in her stomach, the pain in her neck. It was all the same, really. The pain of death just a twist of the knife. She shut her eyes.

“What is this?”

“My memories.”

“This didn’t happen.”

She heard a frustrated sigh. The hands finally stopped, fading back.

“Stand.”

It sounded so distant, and she tried to. She felt the blade be pulled from her abdomen. For all the nightmare’s vividness, she couldn’t imagine this being anything besides a twist of things that had happened. A misremembering.

“You… dream of Blasius?”

“I dream of Blasius, too.” The world around them faded once more, giving way to a clean office again. The pain in her torso leaving her just as quickly.

“What was that?”

“I told you. Carmila, boabansith. A vampire. She came upon our home and hypnotized Walter and the rest. You’ve let another vampire into our home now.”

“I’m—we’re—a vampire now. It doesn’t matter.”

The other Integra narrowed her eyes, “Another vampire. In our home. Something could happen.”

Integra inhaled once more, leaning back against the chair, “Is this why you wanted to show me… this?”

She nodded.

“What is the end of that nightmare?”

The other Integra was caught off guard, but nodded. She found herself jerked back to standing, knife plunging into her neck. Blood danced familiarly at the corners of her vision. A distorted version of Seras and Alucard was some distance away. The other Integra.

She felt her body give way.

“I could not escape.”

“But your survived.”

“Indeed. Barely. That thing still did  _ that _ .” The office faded once more, and Integra reached her arm out once more to grasp the other Integra’s arm. The operating area came into clear view. The curtains, blue fabric draped over everything and… their body. Dr. Trevillian hard at work, and the large amounts of blood being transfused.

“I saw the footage. I did not spare myself a single detail.”

“This didn’t happen.”

“To you.”

“If  _ you _ are  _ me _ , how could this happen to you?”

“I don’t know. Some trickery of worlds, I assume. There is more. Alucard did not disappear in my memories.”


End file.
